Nick Feldman: not just a man, but a guy desperately trying to avoid the inevitability of sounding pretentious while talking about himself.

Hi. How ya doin?

I like whiskey, basketball, and Humphrey Bogart movies. I write books, stories, and occasionally hurtful text messages. I'd like to appear aloof about this, but if I'm being honest I really really like it when you buy them (disclaimer: hurtful text messages not currently available through Amazon). I hope you like it when you buy them too, as I work pretty hard on most of these, and besides, you deserve to enjoy reading whatever books you choose to buy. Except for Kanye's book. Screw that book. Screw you if you like that book. To some of you that may seem a little harsh, but don't worry; anybody who actually bought Kanye's book stopped reading in the first sentence when they got to the word "inevitable" and couldn't sound it out. And don't feel too bad for Kanye, either; he stopped reading when the first word wasn't "Kanye."

No, but seriously, welcome to my page. If you like tough snarky detectives, the emotionally conflicted, and/or the poorly explained idea of the "cynic romantic," then you're probably in the right place. Thank you for letting me do something I love for a living, instead of selling my organs (which, to be perfectly honest, really aren't worth that much; I'm a drinker). Feel free to bug me on twitter (@NickZG) if I write anything you don't like, or even better if I write something you do. Or if you're Kanye and take exception to that cheap shot I took above; I could use the free press.