"H is for Hostile Takeover" is the most interesting episode of A to Z so far, but not for a good reason. Early on in the episode, the narrator explains, in detail, the Bechdel Test. For those of you wise enough to skip the episode, the Bechdel Test has been around a while as a media evaluation tool, and it basically boils down to this: do two female characters, who have names, ever have a conversation that does not either include or revolve around men? While it's of course possible to make good work that doesn't pass the test- and pretty easy to do in romantic stories, where the men may similarly only discuss women- in general, it's worth aspiring to. While the concept may be a source of mockery for show runner and head-writer Ben Queen, women do occasionally talk about more than us good 'ol dick-havers.
Over the course of the episode, the two primary female characters Zelda (Cristin Miloti) and Steph (Lenora Crichlowe) speak to each other only twice. The first time, they discuss whether or not Zelda is too controlling of her boyfriend, Andrew (she is, but Andrew's a cardboard cutout at this point so who gives a shit?). The second- the episode's tag during the credits- has the two of them discussing whether or not two women discussing the Bechdel Test counts as passing the Bechdel Test. They decide that it does, then rapidly change the subject back to men. It's an attempt at a joke, and in a better show that treats its female characters with any measure of respect, it might even be a good one. This is not that show.
Pointing out that your show explicitly doesn't pass the Bechdel Test as some kind of fuck you to mouthy critics like me- I've been bemoaning the show's treatment of women in almost every episode for months now, and Ben Queen knows it, having replied sarcastically to one of my tweets on the subject- doesn't help anybody. It's just petulant, and it's making light of something that isn't funny, and isn't even funny in a "ha ha" way. Making light of the idea of that women deserve to exist in film and television as anything more than the objects of male desire isn't edgy or daring; it's outdated and misogynistic.
Look, maybe I'm overreacting. It's one joke, and at least the writers are talking about equality, right? Wrong. Think back over the previous seven episode of A to Z. Can you think of a single moment between two women that didn't revolve around men? I can't. I can think of a bunch of moments between various male characters that do, though. This episode alone has Andrew in two separate conversations with two separate men that are about whether or not anyone would ever say "Who am I?" aloud. He and Stu have talked many times about their childhood, or their work, or any number of other topics. Zelda has never had a conversation in the show that wasn't either with or about Andrew, unless she was talking to Stephie about Steph's man-trouble. Now, I know there are some women (and men) out there who are totally incapable of talking about anything but their significant other, but I hate those people and so should you.
A to Z doesn't hate those people. It hates women. Over the first eight episodes, Stephie's primary characteristic is that she's boy crazy to the point of letting them control her behavior. This trait is played for laughs. This episode's main plot is about the idea that Andrew allows others to control his behavior, and how that's a big problem. While the show ultimately decides that it's ok that Andrew is littler more than a cipher (unlike the audience, who ignored the dull main character from the jump and sentenced the show to a much-deserved cancellation almost immediately), but that's not the point. The point is that the exact same problem is funny when it happens to woman, and a huge deal when it happens to men.
This isn't the only idealogical problem in the show, of course. Zelda invariably rewards and encourages Andrew's stalking of her, the otherwise powerful Lydia is routinely to be deeply insecure, the very funny and underused Hong Chau never appears in a scene without her make compatriot Danesh… but Danesh gets several scenes, and even his own plot line, completely separate from Chau. And Zelda? Zelda the high powered lawyer is shown again and again to be a creature totally without conviction, desperate for male guidance and support.
It gets darker for Zelda.One episode's plot revolves around her loving Andrew because he crashes a relative's funeral. As mentioned, she rewards stalking. She enables Stephie's behavior to the point of risking her job (taking a case solely to get her friend laid and violating a bunch of COI polices and laws in the process), ensuring that Stephie will never outgrow the need for Zelda's consoling when her superficial relationships invariably combust. She also more or less orders Stephie to make peace with a guy who tricked her into bed by lying about literally everything about himself; whether or not that's technically rape is an open-question, but it's certainly something that a real human wouldn't ask a close friend to just "get over."
Zelda is motivated entirely by attention, and feeds on dependence. It is no coincidence that her only two friends- Andrew and Stephie- are both easily dominated pushovers, both impossibly needy and insecure. Zelda needs to feel needed, and she molds the people around her into her dependent slaves, and then brushes off any idea that they should be otherwise with a dismissive hand wave. She's a controlling, manipulative super villain who is happy to casually destroy the lives of those around her to feed her own need for attention and dependence.
Because that's what Ben Queen thinks women are.
Let's boil it down a step further. Here are the four recurring female characters on that show:
Zelda- a controlling, co-dependent wreck who has yet to have a conversation with another woman about anything other than men.
Stephie- an insecure wreck of a woman completely dependent on male attention for her personality and/or meaning in her life, up to and including abandoning her "friend" Andrew mid-crisis this week to hook up with the roadie for ZZ Top.
Lydia- a ball-busting super-bitch who is explicitly an enemy of love. She is, despite being the highest ranking on-screen member of her company, completely obsessed and defined by other people's perceptions of her.
Whatever Hong Chau's Name Is- She only appears as her ex-boyfriend's sidekick. Has not appeared in a scene without him, but has had maybe a quarter as many lines.
Congratualtions, A to Z. You're the first show- of ten- to convince me to stop watching. I put up with Manhattan Love Story until the day it was pulled off the schedule, but your rampant misogyny is too much even for me.
Meanwhile, over on Bad Judge (a show that passes the Bechdel Test more weeks than not despite featuring only one female main character), things are much as they've ever been. It's a messy, sloppy, and yet deeply endearing wreck with a heart of gold. It often makes poor decisions, but it makes them in pursuit of laughter, and joy. It is its own main character, and I continue to mourn its passing. I mention this mostly as a point of contrast; Bad Judge is a show about an explicitly "bad" woman, and yet she's warmer, more human, and more likable than anyone on A to Z.
Look, I'm nobody special, and I'm one of the least qualified people I know to talk about this kind of thing (at the very least, the 50% of people I know who are women would have me beat). I just write books- granted, books that feature women who occasionally say and do things that don't revolve around men- and I watch basketball. That's about it. I'm no crusader. Whether or not I'm even technically a feminist depends largely on definition- I believe in equal pay and equal rights, and I'm pretty sure women are people (with brains and dreams and flaws and goals and all that other people stuff), but I also cling to the idea of chivalry, and depending on who you ask that keeps me firmly behind the velvet rope of the feminist club. But, regardless of whether I am or whether I'm not, and despite this being my blog, this really isn't about me, and it isn't really even about feminism. It's about a woman-hating jackass getting six and a half hours of primetime airtime to demean fifty percent of the population while shows like Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23 - featuring a mostly female cast and often spending entire episodes without having a single female-to-female conversation about men- rots six feet under in the TV graveyard.
If you like women, or even if you just like TV, don't watch A to Z. Don't watch anything Ben Queen ever produces, and if you happen to be a network or studio decision maker, don't take his fucking meetings. I said above that Zelda is a super villain, and that's true, but at least she's fictional. Ben Queen is a real live person who apparently hates women- and quality- so much that he's co-opted a major broadcast network to defame them, and he's so goddamn cocky about it that he feels compelled to point out he's doing it and thumb his nose at his victims. He's a bigot with millions of dollars behind him and an insidious plot to harm billions of people. And he- like all cackling, hate-spewing supervillains- must be stopped.
Somebody call James Bond.
Wait. No. Not Bond.
Somebody call Sydney Bristow.